Remember those commercials where some elderly person is
lying prostrate on the floor howling “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”? I always
wondered why they couldn’t get up unless something had been broken but most of
them looked okay other than that they were flat on the floor like a turtle on
its back.
Well, I have fallen and so far I’ve been able to get up but
the older I get the more I hear about folks who cannot. Researching this because it’s so easy with a
magic machine that burbs out answers almost as fast as I can type them in, I’ve
discovered some interesting information: as we age, we lose some ability to
balance ourselves and if you don’t exercise them, muscles will just quit being
themselves. They will gladly, easily turn into flab because it’s nature’s way,
gravity and all.
The answers I found to help reverse these inevitable issues
was to get myself to a gym about as fast as I could and find someone who would
guide me in this endeavor to re-create muscle that had disappeared from gross
negligence and build some that may have never been born. My “People” don’t
really seem to be people of muscle. We may have been hunters and gathers in
centuries gone by but I doubt we had to run very far or gather too much
heavy-stuff. We actually were probably berry-hunters and pickers if the truth
were told.
I found a wonderful trainer who I’m nearly certain looked at
me and had to stifle himself to
keep from laughing out
loud and who must have nearly choked when I got on some of those
muscle-building machines and could do no “reps” which is the word they use for
an agonizing sequence of repetitive movements. The goal it seems is to be able
to do many of these “reps” at one time
on many different painful areas of dilapidated tissue that was formerly,
perhaps, muscle or maybe not but the aim is to turn this useless tissue into
muscle by using them over and over with “reps”.
There were no sweeter words to be heard than when TM (Trainer Man) would
say “Three more.” Usually he said that after I’d done one.
But that was then, almost a month ago, and now I’m doing 10
reps two times on most of those machines that look less and less threatening
each time I go. TM has me on the go from
the minute I get there until I leave. I stand, I sit, I lift, twist, turn and I squat, lift and drop small heavy balls . I
pick up big ropes, hold them high, (well, higher than when they were on the
floor) and slap them to the floor over and over. I am finding muscles that have
laid dormant for many years and some that have been rudely awakened for my
lifetime. They are not amused.
But when I leave now, I no longer feel like I’m going to
throw-up or need to crawl to my car. Only pride and fear of public opinion kept
me erect and moving those first few sessions. I had crackers and 7up in the car
to help me through the aftermath of exertion the first week. Most of that first
weekend I felt like I’d been in a car wreck and hobbled around on an insulted
body that was indignant that at this stage of life I’d decided to demand
something it had never been asked to do before. It kept saying to me “Please
don’t do this. Have you lost your mind? I don’t do this sort of stuff. Repent.”
But I’m committed so I’m going to just have to get over my
belief that rest is the best thing one can do as one ages: rest, relax, and
read. Now my mantra is “Use it or lose it” and I’m doing curls with 6 lb
weights most every morning…..exercise curls, not hair curls. To be honest I’m
not seeing my bat-wing arms showing any definition yet but I’m only a month into
this.
I’ll tell you more soon. I am recommending that each of you
start walking, carry heavy grocery bags to your car that you have parked as far
away from the store entrance, and practice getting up from a chair without
using your arms. When TM asked me to rise from a sitting position while looking
at the ceiling without using my arms, I said “I can’t”. But I almost can after
only a month!!
