Thanks to Rebecca Ward for sharing this blog on coping with a breast cancer diagnosis, as an individual & a family.
Every woman I know gets anxious when it’s time for her
mammogram. And while the thought of having your ta-tas firmly flattened by a mechanical anvil is not
a pleasant consideration, it’s the purpose of the procedure that has us
worried. A mammogram is screening for
breast cancer and a diagnosis of breast cancer will change a woman’s life
immediately and forever.
I read the cancer survivor stories in any publication
because I’m interested in knowing how my fellow sisters cope with the
devastating news that they have breast cancer. So often I will read how they
were on their way to a tennis game or school conference or some other
routine activity when life suddenly
comes to a complete halt when the doctor says you need to consult with a breast
surgeon. All Daytimers are null and void when a woman hears those words.
One November I heard them and immediately seemed to go into
a mild form of disassociation. Luckily I had an appointment an hour later with
a breast surgeon as I had been doing this step for due diligence for several
years. And though I was assured that the biopsy that would follow in two weeks
would likely show I had nothing to worry about, I was still in a mild state of
shock. I was going to have to have a biopsy to see whether the abnormal shapes
and colors in my right bosom were cancerous or not. I called my husband to tell
him the news which he quickly tried to minimize and within a few minutes I was
doing the same thing. I did not
“catastrophize” except in those dark early
morning hours when I couldn’t
escape myself. Incredibly lucky I was as the outcome was good
and I could return to normal life worries which is what you don’t have the
luxury to do when you are in treatment.
So what about the women whose biopsies are not negative? How
do they cope and how do their families handle the diagnosis and treatment of
their wives and Mothers? From what I’ve learned from the women who’ve come into
my office to deal with the emotional
issues surrounding their diagnosis and then treatment , the women do
great and most often their families do too. ( Just making an appointment to see
a therapist indicates someone who is going to confront the disease and wants every advantage in
doing so.) What makes both the patient and her family do well is their ability
to talk about what is happening to her and to them. There will be no avoiding
or denying or dismissing the battle taking place between the patient and the
intruder. All family members will bear arms , no one will be left behind.
Talking to the children is not necessary, it’s crucial.
Accepting that life routines will be disrupted to some degree is reality and
every family member needs to be a part of the new reality. Educating the
children in a manner that is consistent with their ages is comforting and
prudent. Tell them your diagnosis, the treatment options and decisions you’ve
made about those options, and the expected chronology for surgery and
treatment. Tell them what you are expecting to happen as you go through
treatment. Prepare them for the visual
changes they might see such as baldness
as well as some of the physical effects of the treatment like fatigue.
Women who have full family involvement and support do so
much better than those who feel isolated
and alone because husbands won’t talk to them and don’t want the children to
know what’s going on. The more candid both parents can be with the children, the
less scary the children will feel. To tweak an old group therapy adage “So go
the parents, so goes the family.”
I love the idea of putting up a big calendar in the family
room and showing dates of chemotherapy so the whole family will know what’s
happening when and can make plans accordingly. If Mom is having chemo on
Tuesday, she’s probably going to not sleep well for a few days, not feel so
great, and the family can pitch in to keep household maintenance on target.
Families that cope together are stronger and that helps the cancer patient be
stronger.
Usually a woman is alone when she hears the news that she
will need a procedure to find out what’s really happening within her breast
tissue. And she’s the only one in the operating room. Also she’s the only one
who’s watching chemo drip into her veins or lying under a radiation laser. But
she doesn’t have to be alone any other time if her husband and family and her
friends love her through her battle.
