Relationship Thoughts from Rebecca Ward:
We are a nation of step-families. Government census in the
1990's predicted that step-families would outnumber nuclear families in our
country by the year 2000. While finding official and definitive stats was
difficult for me as I perused the mighty Internet, my deduction from all I
found is that they prediction is correct.
Over 30,000 million Americans are step-parents with !5%
being step-dads and 12% being step-mothers. That's a lot of adults who have
taken on the task of living with and also taking on parental roles with other
people's children No wonder step-families have a much higher divorce rate.
Marriage is hard, raising children is hard and getting married for the second
or third time and helping raise more children is even harder. Takes wise and mature
folk with heavy commitment issues.
There is plenty of help for you step-families of which I
proudly say I'm in a survival one...not that I didn't consider running like the
wind at times joined by my spouse fleeing in the opposite direction. It was
that commitment thing we really had going plus love for each and the kids we
had invited into a family he and I were starting. Dues were costly and rewards
huge. (Each of those little step-children are great adults and have made us
these incredibly little grand babies. Hoo-ha, it was so worth it.)
I found an organization on the net called The Stepfamily
Foundation and a wonderful list by Dr. Jeanette Lofus called "Ten Steps
for Steps" and I thought it solid, reasonable, and smart. Which reminds me
of another site "Smart Stepfamilies."
When I was first starting out, there wasn't a lot of
literature for the stepfamily or blended family as it was also called. One I
used a lots was one by Emily and John Visher called "Winning as a
Stepfamily." and it's still out there and it's a good one.
Get as much information as you can and you will be so much
better prepared for the emotional issues you will have to deal with when you
marry the one you love who has 'a little bit of kids", a line I heard in a
movie.( Yeah. Seriously? How much is a little bit?)
My advice about becoming a step-family is to be
appropriately cautions and anxious but do not run away or walk away. Stand
resolutely with your partner knowing " We can do it. Love may not be
enough but maturity and commitment along with it will be."
-Rebecca Ward
